Matchmaker, Matchmaker

It’s officially that time of year when it begins to get sort of uncomfortably warm in my bedroom at night, so that even though I put the ceiling fan on full speed and throw all the blankets off of me, I still toss and turn and have weird dreams and wake up sort of parched. I can’t complain too much — there could be much worse things in life than warm summer nights arriving in April — but still, it’s enough to put central air right up there on my checklist for my next apartment/condo, right after washer/dryer. (A girl can dream, can’t she?) Noodles has taken to sprawling out on the floor, sometimes next to my bed, sometimes in the living room. Maybe he’s got the right idea…

So as most of you know, my mom lives up in Oregon, seemingly far enough away to keep my private life — well, private. But it’s only been in the past six months that I’ve finally wised up and realized that even from 1000 miles away, my mom will be just as involved in my life as is humanly possible, unless I — God forbid — stop sharing every single bit of my life with her. Now don’t get me wrong. My mom and I talk on the phone a lot, and for the most part I fill her in on everything I’m doing at work, with my friends, etc. She knows a LOT of the mundane details of my life. And I like sharing things with her, because we have a really good and loving relationship. But for the sake of my sanity, I drew the line and decided that I won’t tell her about my dating lfe until I meet somebody special.

In a way I feel bad not telling her that I’m out there going on dates. Sometimes when we talk, even though she knows I’m happy and busy and work is going well and I usually have a lot of plans, I get the sense that she’s worried that I’m not putting myself out there to meet people. I think she’d probably be relieved if she knew that I’ve been dating (or at least going on dates, which to me is different than actual “dating”), so sometimes I feel like I should just tell her to ease her mind. But the problem is that mentioning a guy to her automatically creates all sorts of pressure.

Example: those readers of my old blog may recall the guy I met on Match who gave good email. Super funny and cute on email; crickets chirping in real life. Anyway, we had emailed at some length and I was crushing bad on his cyber-persona, and then shortly before Thanksgiving we went on our 1st date. In hindsight it was pretty awkward (though not terrible), but I was still incredibly optimistic — how could anyone who writes such good emails be boring in real life??? So I told my mom about him. And of course, she did what she always does: she cyber stalked him. (The apple does not far fall from the tree, my friends.) Then when I went home over Thanksgiving, she seriously gave me the third degree about him. “Where does he live? What’s his job? Do you mind that he has a slightly receding hairline? No? Good for you, SF! What’s his grandmother’s middle name?” Ok, that last one I made up, but you get the idea.

And then what happened next? Did I begin a whirlwind romance with him, take him to meet my parents and live happily ever after? Of course not. What happened is that we went out on a second date, it was equally awkward as the 1st, and then I never heard from him again. That’s a really fun thing to tell Mom.

So instead, I choose silence.

And somehow, from 1000 miles away, my mom is still involved. A few months ago Mom told me that the provost of the school where she teaches has a son who is also a lawyer in L.A. and that he might be getting in touch with me. He didn’t and I forgot all about it. But then last week he emailed me. (By the way, it was the most formal email EVER. I think he even signed it, “Best regards.” I would have said something along the lines of, “Hey there, good to know other peoples’ parents meddle in their social lives as much as mine do.” ) Anyway, he graduated from UO Law school last year and is waiting for bar results, wants to practice entertainment or IP law and so he moved down here. I figured it must be hard getting adjusted to a new city, so I invited him to come have lunch with me and we are meeting tomorrow.

Even though the whole notion of me meeting him came from our parents’ mutual desire for us to “network,” I just KNEW that my mom was hoping this dude would turn out to be Prince Charming. So it cracked me up to no end when I looked at this guy’s Facebook page (I never said I wasn’t also a cyber stalker!) and realized that he must be the polar opposite of what Mom envisioned. Yes, he is a lawyer. Yes, he is the son of the head of the university. But…sadly for Mom’s yenta-ish tendencies…he is also a 25 year old kid who’s in a punk rock band. And he likes to take pictures of himself. Just himself. Doing punk rock poses. (To his credit, his band has a deal with Warner Music and they have a pretty cool sound.) This was his most recent email to me: “Sounds great, I’ll be wearing black-rimmed glasses, jeans and a casual blazer. Actually, I’ll probably look like everyone else in LA, so maybe I’ll just call you when I get there! Haha.”

This lunch will be … interesting to say the least. Hey, if nothing else maybe I’ll end up seeing his band sometime. I don’t see live music nearly enough, and I’ve always wanted to be a groupie. (ok, not really, but how funny would that be?)

But as for Mom’s matchmaking skills…sorry, not so much.

PS. I keep meaning to write about Texas Boy but I’m still on the fence about him, and I want to wait until my thoughts are clear before I commit to a position. We were supposed to meet for a drink tonight after he had some networking thing but he called me at 8 30 and said he wasnt feeling well, was just getting off work and going home to fall into a Nyquil coma. We set a tentative rain check for later in the week, but I feel “meh” about it. Even tonight, when he called I was secretly relieved because I had worked out, showered and put on my PJs so I didnt have to sit around in “real clothes” until I went out. And I was actually happy to be able to stay in my PJs! Is there something wrong with me?

PPS. My subscriptions to online dating sites (Match and eHarmony) are expiring on Thurs and I am 98% sure I am going to let them lapse and not renew them. I’m sort of fed up with the mens and the whole process. Thoughts, dear readers?