I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that this has been the most upsetting day of my legal career so far.
I’ve shared with you about how, after much prayer (and hard work), the immigration judge in San Diego granted my client asylum. That was probably the best moment of my legal career so far.
But there was a catch (isn’t there always). The government reserved its right to appeal, so my client has remained in detention in the meantime. Yesterday was the last day to file an appeal. And of course, they filed it.
And here’s where it gets worse. Despite the judge having granted my client asylum, my poor client has to sit in detention for months more while the appeal is briefed and decided. My client, who has all sorts of serious health problems. My client, who has been harassed and mistreated in detention because she is transgender. My client, who has already been in detention since March 2007.
And it gets even worse. In most cases you can at least seek a setting of bond. But my client had put in a declaration (which I translated and filed) stating that her family (who had abused her) had connections to the government and that because of that, she had been jailed for a robbery she didn’t commit. Knowing now what I knew then, I would never have allowed her to include that information. Because what that means is that she is considered by the US government to be an “aggravated felon” and can’t get out on bond. And that’s also the grounds on which the govt is appealing the grant of asylum.
I feel fairly confident (KNOCK ON WOOD) that we will win in the end, in some way or another. But in the meantime, I feel absolutely sick to my stomach that my client is stuck in detention. I feel guilty that this is all my fault. I feel that my sense that I had actually done something good for someone has vanished.
I think I’m not tough enough for this job. After I yelled at government counsel on the phone and all but hung up on her, what did I do? I shut my office door and I cried. Not useful, I know, but I was so frustrated and upset, it was the only thing I could do. In fact, my office door is still closed because I suspect I may not have had my last cry of the day.
What do you do, dear readers, when you screw up and you can’t fix it?
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I know it is upsetting to have these kind of days….but I think you are being too hard on yourself.
You WON for her. And I know absolutely nothing about asylum law or anything of that nature, but as you said yourself, those cases are tough to win. Hence the award that you are getting for doing so.
You haven’t screwed anything up. The gov’t has a right to appeal and there is nothing you can do about that. And if there is one thing I do know, is it that going in to an appeal as the loser is not a very hopeful situation. So like you said, there is a very good chance that you will ultimately prevail.
It is unfortunate that your client will have to remained detained for the appeal, but all you can do is what you have been doing all along – do your best to help her out. Move it along as quickly as you can and be the best advocate you can be.
Remember, this is something that you did out of the kindness of your heart. Try not to let the pain in the ass process of it all take away your good feelings.
It really is hard being a nice girl in the practice of law. I always feel not tough enough for it too. I think that is why most women attorneys are bitches.
*Hugs*
Am so sorry to hear you are having that kind of day. Wish there was something more I could say that J hasn’t said already.
But it seems you did the best you could. Just try to take comfort in the fact you still can continue to do the best to keep helping her out in whatever way is in your power/control.
* hugs *
Just remember that you’re not at the end of this story. Yes, it’s reached a low point at the moment, but it’s not over.
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you closing the office door and taking some time to let things out. Better than holding it in and letting it eat you up inside. It doesn’t mean you’re weak by any means.
Sorry you’re down today, but I’m confident you’ll succeed in the end because you’ll fight harder than ever before.
As for me, I just beat myself up. I’m my own worst critic…
SF – Keep in mind it is likely that the government appealed because someone’s supervisor expects them to and because it’s embarrassing for the government to lose asylum cases. Usually the government wins because most asylum attorneys are so overwhelmed and underpaid that they are totally unprepared for their hearings. Such is not the case with you. You worked your SF butt off and I hope that government attorney is prepared for a second round of butt-kicking, courtesy of you.
I know this is probably little comfort, but I had a work-related breakdown on Friday and since I have no office door (hello, cubicle bunny!) I had to flee to the ladies room where I SOBBED for about 15 minutes until someone else came in and I had to hold my breath so I wouldn’t get caught. Lovely . . .
It happens to all of us. And I am positive that your client is better off with you, mistakes and all, than without you. And I don’t just mean legally. You’ve told me over and over how amazing she is — think of what it must mean to her to be totally alone, ill, abused . . . but NOT abandoned because she has you advocating for her. That’s powerful stuff.
I don’t think crying reflects not being tough enough. If anything, crying shows how passionate you feel about your case and your work. That’s something to be proud of .
Thank you for taking this kind of case. Thank you for caring.