It’s happened to me so many times over the past year that I should be used to it by now. Things start well with a guy, a date or two or several, sometimes kissing, sometimes sex, I start to relax and allow myself to get excited and look forward to seeing the person again and even mentally plan fun things we could do together in L.A.
And then, suddenly, POOF – the guy disappears into thin air, never to be heard from again. At first I shrug it off — an unanswered text message or email. All the popular refrains from the girls in He’s Just Not That Into You float through my mind: he had to work late, he’s really busy. His phone died. You name it, I will make up the excuse. But as time goes on, the feeling of dread and horror creeps over me and I realize that another one has bitten the dust.
The problem with this — aside from the fact that it monumentally sucks, of course — is that each successive rejection / abandonment means I am carrying that much more baggage into the next potential relationship. Part of me, ever the optimist, still wants to believe and to be openminded and openhearted and to get excited when things are new and exciting. The other part of me tries to steel my heart against these feelings because in the back of mind I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And in that sense it’s the worst of both worlds. I don’t have the joyful abandonment that I’d like to have when I get involved with someone, but it still hurts like a bitch when it ends.
On Wednesday night (date # 4), EHB and I had a strange talk which I was going to describe in full detail except then I had to work till midnight on Thursday so I didnt get to blog. That was when I began to be scared about the other shoe dropping. But on Friday, EHB and I had a great date (#5) and I felt like things had turned a corner.
EHB borrowed a book about hikes in Southern California from me, so I assumed that it was without doubt that we’d see each other again soon. Then, after he left on Saturday, he discovered he’d left his blazer at my apartment, so I figured it was confirmed that we’d see each other sooner rather than later. I had texted him yesterday asking if he wanted to get his jacket. He didn’t respond, but emailed me at night saying that perhaps he could get his jacket today. This morning we sent some flirty emails…but then nothing.
As I was driving home, I realized how incredibly panicked I was about yet another guy disappearing on me. And I realized how pathetic it was that the only thing assuring me that this guy won’t disappear entirely is the f–ing black blazer I have hanging in my closet.
Maybe it’s intuition and maybe it’s me blowing things out of proportion, but the shoe feels awfully close to dropping, and all I want to do is cry.
Filed under: dating, life, men, navel-gazing, neuroses, online dating, relationships, single
The first part of this post I could have easily written, believe me. I know as I’ve gotten older, experienced more rejection, the more difficult it becomes to put myself out there. And, of course, the more baggage I pick up along the way, which always makes me wonder what girl would want to be around me with all the luggage I’m carting?
Still, I hope things turn around. Given that you were sending flirty e-mails just today, I’m personally thinking that perhaps it’s too soon to be looking for the other shoe to drop. I hope I’m not wrong, because I know you’ll say “I told you so” and glare at me through the internet!
Oh no! I had high hopes for this one.
But like Geekhiker said, don’t give up yet! You were just corresponding this morning.
On the other hand, a woman’s intuition is a powerful thing. Mine rarely lets me down, but then sometimes I think that my actions are influenced by it so much that I am somehow (subconciously) pushing things to turn out a different way. Does that make sense? Like if your intuition gets pushed out of whack because of past situations, and you start to think the other shoe is going to drop, so you act in a certain way, thereby creating a result that would not have happened otherwise.
I’m not sure anyone other than myself will understand that.
Anyway, good luck! Keep us posted.
Awww… Miss Fabulous!!!! You’ll be alright. Really, don’t give up yet!
I think you need to take a quick little weekend vacation to… hmmm… out of LA. You’ve earned it.
Sure, that’s a pretty random little bit of advice, but, vacation’s always very nice.
And yes, that was an awesome rhyme, I know.
I should write some more, but instead I’ll go.
oh boy.
Okay, dear readers — so I totally had a meltdown last night for no reason and freaked out way too soon, because EHB called me very soon after I posted this (he had been working late), he came over and we had a very nice night. I almost wanted to remove this post, but it was genuine and from the heart, and I appreciated your comments, so I decided to leave it up anyway …
PS. I could get used to being called Miss Fabulous!
Yay! I’m glad he came over and you guys had a nice night!
Miss Fab – YAY!!!!
J – I completely understood every word you said. Am living it right now…*cry*
I cannot stand it when a guy disappears. How hard is it to say, goodbye?
Am I allowed to say “I told you so”? Oh, wait, I just did.