Wishin’ and Hopin’

Warning, dear readers: I’m in a funk tonight, so this is bound to be a major Debbie Downer post. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I was hoping that I could get some much needed R & R this weekend, and instead I’m incredibly burnt out, exhausted, and on-edge in that way that only “that time” of the month can accomplish. I feel sad and frustrated and lonely and anxious and I don’t know what to do to fix any of it. Normally the best thing to cheer me up is to start making fun plans for the week or weekend, but since I am officially consumed by the black hole that is trial, that’s impossible.

Wah wah wahhhh.

The trial? Awesome for my career, but brutal for my life (such as it is). We picked a jury, did opening statements and started in on the 1st witness. During the day, my tasks consist of keeping track of which exhibits are identified; paying close attention and taking notes; and perhaps most importantly, babysitting the client when the partner needs his time and space to prep for trial, instead of listen to the incessant running commentary by the client about all the things we need to make sure the jury hears. It’s a lot more tiring than it sounds, and then once I get back to the office the “real” work begins.

One week down…two to go. Sigh.

The good news is, I am learning a lot and it’s fun watching the partner in action. But I really, really badly am craving a whole weekend of no work.

Last night I had another date with New Guy, and as always, we had a really nice time. We went to dinner, shared a bottle of wine and talked and talked and then went to a comedy show, which was quite funny. When we were walking to the comedy show from my place, he grabbed me and kissed me, which I love – the spontaneous gestures like that. We had to wait quite a while in line for the comedy show and we were sort of holding hands and snuggling. Then when we got back to my apartment after the show it was already after 1 am and we basically just pounced on each other. 🙂 He spent the night and it was soooo hard to get up and go to work this morning! He’s really darling.

But as much as I enjoy our dates, I still find him to be a hard read. When we said goodbye today, he just gave me a kiss and said “Have a good week!” He is now headed out of town for a combined 3 weeks of trips. The last couple of times we’ve gone out, I’ve been the first one to follow up by email or phone. He always calls me back, and then he will initiate calling after I make the first call, but it always makes me wonder.

Dear readers, is this just me over analyzing? Do I need to just chill out?

I talked to C. online yesterday for the 1st time in a week or so, and he started going on and on about how this new girl he’s dating is the “real deal” and how she’s been really really good for him but he is super distracted from school. I asked what he was going to do when he moves to Portland and she’s still in school in Eugene and he said, “well, I’ve done the long distance thing before.”

When he told me he was never doing a long distance thing again and that he just couldn’t reciprocate my feelings, I was stupid enough to believe that it was just the situation. I don’t think he even realizes what a hypocrite he’s being. But I admit it pissed me off. More than I’d like it to.

Seriously, why can’t I be the girl that the guy just can’t help picking up the phone and calling because he’s thinking about her?

6 Responses

  1. … and thinkin’, and prayin’…

    You ARE that girl, s/f! Lest you forget, you have been the girl who guys call and have their calls avoided, the girl who guys fall in love with only to have their hearts broken, and the girl who a man once proposed to only to have you change your mind. You ARE that girl who guys dream about! Give it some time, let things develop organically, and maybe New Guy will be so smitten that he can’t help but call you every morning to say good morning and every night to say goodnight (unless he’s there to say it in person!). But until he comes to his senses, relax and enjoy the ride (easier said than done, I know). There may be some over-analysis going on, but that is understandable and inevitable. 🙂

    p.s. Thanks for your input yesterday re my cold feet. Another case of, “What about MY needs?!” You’re a pal!

  2. I second what T. said!! You’ve left plenty of broken hearts in your wake and let’s face it, you are a catch. A smart, beautiful, articulate, funny, interested-in-the-world, LITIGATION ATTY!!!! Come on! You are the whole package girl!

    I think you should just put New Guy out of your mind, focus on your trial, and see how things go for the next week or so. He’ll call or he won’t you know, but you gotta let things develop over time. All his out-of-town work is probably actually really GOOD for your relationship!

  3. Yay! Glad you had such a good time with New Guy! Although not for love or money could I stay up late and have a sleepover when I have another 2 weeks of trial staring me in the face.

    And I wouldn’t worry (although I probably would, in all truth) about the fact that he doesn’t initiate phone calls all the time. It seems like he is into you, so maybe you are just reading too much into it.

    And don’t you just love how the client has to lean over every two minutes during trial and give you tips or tell you that the witness is lying. It’s like, yes, I’VE GOT IT.

    Anyway, good luck with the trial and with New Guy!

  4. I have to agree! unfortunately, some guys are a little slow to pick up the fact girls like to feel interested in lol

  5. Trial taking longer than expected?

  6. Where are you? 🙂

    Hope everything is going well.

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