At Last

My dear readers (if I even have any after my long blogging hiatus!):  I know it’s been almost two months, which is practically an eternity in the blogosphere.  I know we have a lot of catching up to do, and that it will be near impossible to really do that justice.  I have been lurking on my favorite blogs, but not commenting as much as I used to.  I guess you could say I’ve been taking a blog-cation of sorts.

But here I am, having tied up my work-related loose ends before being out of the office at a hearing tomorrow, and then up in Oregon for Thanksgiving.   I’m looking for something to do, and I’m thinking that I want to blog again.  I feel rusty, and I don’t really know where to start.

*Deep breath*  Diving right in, I suppose!

So last time you tuned in to the Single/Fabulous show, there were two promising guys on the horizon.  And for the past two months, there has been just one.  One guy who is, in a word, amazing.  Somehow, after all the heartaches that I have poured out to you, and after all the douchebaggery (sorry!  I love that word) I have endured from the male persuasion, and after all the first and second dates that went nowhere….somehow, when I least expected it, this guy virtually fell out of the sky and into my lap.  (Ok, so I met him at a friend’s party.  But it felt as unexpected as if he’d fallen out of the sky.  Even though we had met once before, he was totally off of my radar when we “re-met.”)  And our relationship is honestly exactly the kind of relationship I’ve been looking for.

I’ve been having sort of a quandary about the blog.  I haven’t wanted to write about him because I respect his privacy.  I haven’t wanted to tell him about the blog because I think he should learn about my past history from me directly, not from the blog.  And I have felt strange about the idea of keeping a secret blog from him because I don’t like the idea of keeping anything important a secret.  Besides, secrecy is not my strong suit.  I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, especially with people I care about.  And even if I made thre effort, inevitably at some point I would slip and say “In my blog, I wrote…”  and then the rest will be history.  Not to mention the more simple issue of time.  I just don’t have the hours that I used to devote to blogging each week anymore.  Anyway, I have not reached any real conclusions about those things…still thinking about it.

In the past I haven’t written about relationships so as not to jinx them, but in this case I’m not worried.  Even though it’s only been a couple of months, we’ve fallen head over heels in love.  Not in the all-consuming drama-filled angsty way of my past, but the lovely, happy, peaceful-yet-exciting way.  We’re spending a ton of time together, we’re meeting each others’ friends and families, we’re learning new things about each other every day, we’re making lots of plans.  He prompted my friend J. to say, “He doesn’t give off the tool/douchebag vibe.”  (Sad to say, none of the other guys I’ve dated in the past two years earned this endorsement.)  He even has the Noodles stamp of approval.  🙂 

I don’t even know how to explain how good it feels.  I’m just so, so happy.

Thank you, Universe!

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Shout Out

Good evening, dear readers.  It’s the end of the weekend (*tear*) and I have a lot to write about, but I wanted to take the time to do a separate post about a blog that seems to be largely overlooked.  I forget how I started reading Playing With Matches, but it is worth checking out, and it is worth reading back through the archives for some of the most interesting and bizarre dating stories I’ve read/heard.  Some of my favorites are here, here and here.

Strangely, I seem to be one of only 1 or 2 people who comment on this blog, and I don’t understand why such an entertaining (and also sympathetic) blog wouldn’t have a bigger readership.  If you like stories of singlehood and dating and the perils that go with it, by all means, click on the above link and go give Tanasie some love.  What are you waiting for?

In Honor of a Recent Comment

This is courtesy of a friend’s Facebook page.

The original caption reads, “Honey, DTMFA.”

Before today I had never even heard that expression (I guess I have been living under a rock!) and now I have heard it twice!  Love it.

Today Was a Good Day

….and I didn’t even have to use my a.k.*

Since my last post (understandably) freaked out my “real life” friends who regularly read my blog, I thought that I’d write a post and inform my dear readers that the past couple of days I have felt pretty damn good.  Happy, even.  Content, even better.  I think I may be turning a corner of sorts.

As you know, I had my 1st session with this therapist yesterday and it felt really good.  Now. don’t get me wrong — I’m not saying I had one session of therapy and that now everything is all puppies and rainbows.  Most of the session was just gathering background information, anyway.  But the mere fact of going in there, admitting (to myself and to her) the obvious fact that I’ve been having a rough time of late and that things are feeling a little out of my control, and affirmatively seeking help — it felt like a big step.  This isn’t my first time trying the therapy thing, but in the past when I tried, I would usually see someone once or twice, think to myself, “why am I wasting my money?  Things are ok in my life, I’m a big girl and I can deal with my own problems, I think I’ll take that money and go buy some shoes.”  This time it’s different.  This time I know this is something I need to do for myself right now.  And doing something that is so truly, 100% for myself and for my own well-being…it’s even more satisfying (if not as sexy) as that hot pair of shoes.  😉  Also, the therapist is a total doll — this little Jewish woman with a New York accent who I just wanted to grab and hug.  But also a very to-the-point person, which I definitely need.  So I am really looking forward to seeing her weekly and to really do the work to figure out what is going on with me, even though I know it will be a challenging.

Today I was looking back at my old blog, and I had a little bit of nostalgia.  In some ways, this is a  very different kind of blog than the old one was.  As I read it, my first thought was, Hey, I used to be really funny!  But then I realized that in my old blog I was often writing for my audience.  I knew my mom would read it, I knew my core group of readers liked my funny anecdotes, so I made a concerted effort to be witty.  Now, for better or for worse, I write for myself.  I know that my posts haven’t been very funny, especially lately, but they have been completely genuine and uncensored. 

Writing has often been, and still is, like another form of therapy.  I write something and it comes out sounding just as raw and painful and intense as it felt at the time I was writing it, but something about just putting out there what I am feeling helps diffuse those feelings and thoughts and make them less scary.  I’m a firm believer that the scariest thoughts and fears are the ones that you bottle inside and don’t share with anyone, until they become larger than life.  So many times just speaking those scary words is enough.  Just to have someone listen, to say “I understand” or “I worry about that too” or “I’m here if you need to talk.” 

Anyway, I suppose this is another way of saying don’t worry about me.  Yes, I have been going through a rough time.  Yes, I have been blogging very openly about it.  And yes, I very, very much appreciate all the thoughts and concern.  But deep down I DO know that everything will be ok (and when I lose sight of that feeling, which recently I have, I’ll need to read this post to remind me!)

 In other news, since I last blogged about EHB we have been on 2 more dates — one last week and one last night — and things are still going well.  (More details on that later, perhaps…I know, I’m such a tease!)  For now all I will say is that there may  have been a little bit of public smooching.  🙂  Isn’t it funny how life can bring so many different emotions and experiences at the same time, dear readers?

 

*Ice Cube, people.  Please tell me you got the reference.

It’s Official – I’m Crazy

I can hear my dear readers saying simultaneously, “Well, we knew that.”  But I’m not just talking about the weekly dose of neuroses that I divulge on this blog.  I’m talking about a real, serious mental disorder.  And if I’m guessing correctly based on what I know of you, dear readers, particularly my blogger friends– I’d bet that some of you are afflicted with it too. My question is, what is the cure for this particular disorder?  It probably does not include endless games of Scrabulous (some people I know, ahem Knittikins, insist on starting like 5 games with me at once), nor Gmail chatting, nor blogging, nor reading other people’s blogs (thank you J. for enlightening me about Google Reader, the new love of my life), nor any of the other things that make my work day tolerable.  And call me crazy if you will, but we all need some way to get through the day in one piece, right?

 In fact, I’ve been thinking that I want to devote even more time to this here blog.  Often I don’t write unless the mood strikes or unless something in particular inspires me to —

[OMG.  I had to interrupt this to say that I just saw my first ever 90210 trailer on the CW — yes, I am watching a Gossip Girl rerun, what of it? — and hearing that oh-so-familiar theme song made my little heart go pitter patter.  If only I didn’t have to wait till the fall!!  Is it wrong that I Iove shows about high school students as much now as when I was 12?  Wait — don’t answer that.]

–Anyhoo, as I was saying, I think maybe I need to force myself to be a bit more dedicated to the blogginess.  So starting today, I am going to attempt to post every other day.  I’d like to work my way up to every day, but that seems a bit ambitious right now, so…every other day it is.

I also want to spruce up my blog and add more photos and fancy shmancy stuff.  But…and this is embarrassing to admit…I am sadly a low-tech girl in a high-tech world.   And at the risk of being shunned by the blog world, the truth is that I just don’t know how to do the things I want to do on my blog.  Now is when I’m hoping that some bloggers more savvy than I–read, every blogger out there–may have some advice for how I might make Single/Fabulous more, well, fabulous!  Anyone?  Bueller?

So I’ve been sharing with all of you some of my dreams for what I might like to have happen in my life.  I still don’t know if the bookstore is what I will pursue or not — though, I have gotten loads of awesome advice on things I could do in conjunction with my bookstore.  I think right now, taking everyone’s suggestions, it’s something like a bookstore/wine bar/record store/knitting shop/cupcake store.  A little eclectic, but it might work, right?  🙂

Anyway, even as I continue to ponder it, I find that the bookstore has become that “happy place” that I go to in my mind when things start to get stressful or hectic or upsetting at work (read: at least once a day.  No one ever said being a lawyer was tranquil).  Ever since my trip to Maui last year, my “happy place” became the memory of the snorkeling excursion I went on with my dad.  I have a beautiful sea turtle photograph on the bookshelf in my office, along with a carved wooden sea turtle (which I originally bought as a souvenir for my then-boyfriend, and kept when he decided to break up with me the very night I returned from Maui), so every so often when I am feeling particularly overwhelmed, I try to stop for a moment, take a breath, and picture that I am swimming through that beautiful blue water, fish and turtles swimming past me, so far far away from my everyday stresses.  Well, in the past week or two since the bookstore idea began a’ brewin’, when I have felt overwhelmed I’ve just pictured myself working in the bookstore, exactly how I have always dreamed it, and it brings a smile to my face.  I’ve been asked to describe the bookstore, and it’s weird because I can SEE it in my mind’s eye perfectly but I can’t describe it well at all.  Obviously if I start to get serious about it I will need a business plan and all the nitty-gritties, but for now it’s best described as a feeling.  (Ps. Sarah, I may well take you up on your offer to run the business side of things. 🙂 )

One last thing before I get in my PJs and retire to my room to read — yes, I am totally hooked on my most recent read (which will be the subject of a future post once I finish it) and I would have stayed in bed starting at 9 pm on a Saturday night, reading, had someone not persuaded me to bust out the rally monkeys — the mini-saga of Cute Boy has come to an end.

And for once — once in my life,  I tell you! — I am proud to say that I was the one to put the brakes on the (yes, self-created) drama.  As you know, dear readers, I have only met this guy a whopping two times, though we have traded a bunch of random emails and have made plans to hang out that have never quite panned out.  A couple of weeks ago, I was putting together a little happy hour get together with a girl I know at Pink Taco.  Yes, I know – and imagine that business lunches take place there!  Even better is that I just discovered, in looking for a link to the restaurant, that it has its own Wikipedia entry:

Pink Taco 

is a Mexican restaurant chain that has earned notoriety[1] for its name, which is the same as a slang term for a human vagina. The president and CEO, Harry Morton, contends it comes from a menu item[2] and claims that if the restaurant were truly “vagina-themed” there would be “vaginas all over the walls.”[3]

 

 Now that is classic, dear readers.

On second thought, I don’t think I can top that for now, so this will be a to-be-continued!

Zzzzzzzz

Hello dear readers …this is my attempt to write something sensical (if that’s even a word) before I fall into my Tylenol Cold PM induced coma…we’ll see.  One of my readers suggested that I should make it my goal to post 5 times a week, and while I’m not sure that even I can handle my navel gazing that many times per week, I decided to make it a challenge to myself.

First off, the latest adventure in my Netflix obsession, which I enjoyed tonight, was Lars and the Real Girl.  It was funny and sad and quirky and honest and personal, and I just loved it.   I seem to be seeing a lot of great movies lately — why oh why did I not start using my Netflix properly earlier?  (For a few months I was Netflix’s greatest dream, paying way too much a month and keeping DVDs for weeks without ever watching them.  I’m trying to make up for it now!)  By the way, how did my fellow bloggers/Netflix users who were about to watch Into the Wild enjoy it?

My eyelids are starting to droop…must stay awake…

I often wish that there were a device that I could hook up to my computer where my thoughts would just be transcribed into a blog post.  Then I wouldn’t have to rouse myself completely from sleep to capture all the brilliant thoughts I have when I am half awake.

Like now.  Sheesh, this Tylenol Cold is strong stuff.

Today I woke up at 4:30 am and was wide awake.  If that happens again tonight, I promise more blogness…

Worlds Colliding

Tonight, despite the fact that it’s been a stressful week, and I have way too much going on at work and I keep screwing things up and it’s only going to get more hectic…I have this strange sense of calm and quiet. I don’t know why or how or where that zen is coming from, but I’ll take it! Noodles is curled up in a little ball of fur next to me, I am comfy on the couch with Lost on in the background, and all seems right with the world.

This week I’ve gotten some blog love from a couple of bloggers who I’ve never heard from before. I know that several of my “real-life” friends read this blog (and am reminded of that fact when I get a call like, “I didn’t know that happened!!! I read it in your blog!!!” — sorry, girls). I also know that I have a handful of fellow late-20s female bloggers who read this blog (and whose blogs I read religiously). I wasn’t sure if any guys read this blog though, and honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if they didn’t — I’m sure neurotic women are a dime a dozen in our great City of Angels!

So I was more than pleasantly surprised when I got comments from not one, but two male bloggers in response to my poll about sending the email to Networking Guy. (Side note: I sent an email to Networking Guy and he wrote me back a friendly-but-detached email that left the ball solidly in my court. Yeah…not quite the profession of undying love that I had hoped for. Sigh.)

But I digress. The first comment I received was from Geekhiker, who has a blog that is equal parts dating, hiking, and randomness. I enjoy the dating stories — as someone who as my dear readers know is prone to recount her own tales of dating tragedy and comedy, it is refreshing to get a guy’s perspective. And I enjoy the hiking tidbits — there really are so many amazing spots around L.A. And I will go check out more than the local ones…just as soon as I get in shape. In any event, check out GeekHiker!

The second commenter, who emailed me directly, was JMB. This guy doesn’t seem to get many comments, and I have no idea why — when I started reading, it was love at first post for me. JMB chronicles his L.A. adventures through witty, entertaining writing combined with photography, and it’s sort of like reading Los Angeles Magazine (one of my simple pleasures) but with that human touch. Warning: JMB writes using the “royal we” which at first confused me (when he said “we went to this concert” I kept wondering who the “we” was) but once you get used to it, it’s amusing. The theme of his blog is recommendations of things he likes. Well, S/F recommends: JMB. Check it.

And this weekend I am meeting up in person with one of my fellow bloggers! Like me, she’s a single, late-20’s attorney living in Los Angeles and having sometimes-fun, sometimes-atrocious dating experiences. I’m looking forward to meeting her, after getting to know her through our blogs and emails (though my friends made fun of me for having a “girl blind date.”) Hey, people, it’s the 21st century. When you think about it, if I’m meeting all my recent dates online, why not new friends?

Speaking of online dating (wow, aren’t my segues smooth?) I officially cancelled Match.com and have felt not even a moment of remorse about my decision. I did decide to extend my eHarmony subscription for one additional month — query whether it’s some sort of strange addiction? Anyway, even though there is something I like about the slow pace of eHarmony (I have a theory that the higher price and tedious number of steps will deter the guys who just want to get laid, which Match.com certainly does NOT), the slow pace can also drive me a bit nuts. Also, even after having to answer the same cheezy questions time and time again, I still get — can I call it writer’s block? Here are the 3 questions facing me right now from my most recent match:

1. What is the one dream for your life you most look forward to having come true?
2. Tonight you can do anything you want, no penalties, no reprisals, and the cost is unimportant. What are you going to do?
3. How would you spend a romantic evening with someone you have been dating for more than one year?

Ok, so I understand the purpose of these questions, and I like reading the other person’s answers. (Though, in response to the question “what do you find physically attractive?” the guy responded with a long winded answer about how “smart is sexy” and personality is the most important, which sent my bullshit-o-meter through the roof). But in general, I get it. Still, when I am faced with these questions I just end up staring blankly at the screen (thus eating up precious potentially billable minutes) and then giving up.

So here’s my challenge to you, dear readers. Save me from the agony of having to answer these again. Submit your own answers and I will choose the winners to send to Mr. Potential Date. Who wants to play??