Matchmaking Madness Part II

So, today the guy I want to set you up with came up to me after class.  He said,  So why do I have to wait 5 months to meet this mystery woman?  Why can’t I just meet her for coffee or lunch now? I told him that if he didn’t like her, or she didn’t like him, I didn’t want either of you to feel awkward around me.  And he said,  Oh come on, I’m not like that! 

“Well, Mom, don’t worry, I won’t feel awkward around you either.  And this guy wouldn’t be so excited if he knew that his mystery woman lived in Los Angeles.”

Anyway, it sounds like he’s going to come to the happy hour at El Torito I put together for my students next Friday when you’re in town.  So that way you can meet then. 

“Oh, I’m sure he won’t put two and two together.  ‘I have a mystery woman I want to set you up with.  On a totally unrelated note, I’d like you to meet my single 28-year old daughter.’  Frankly, if he doesn’t put two and two together, I don’t want to date someone so dense. ”

I’m not going to tell him it’s you.  And if he ever asks me, I’ll say ‘Wow, that’s a good idea!'”

“But then you actually have to pull another girl out of thin air.  You know, I sort of feel sorry for this guy.  He thinks he’s going to meet some woman who lives in Eugene.”

Oh, now I feel guilty! 

“I think you need to fix this guy up with someone now.  On the bright side, now you can shift your focus away from setting me up and onto setting him up!”

Maybe I can set up an eHarmony profile for him!

“Um, Mom, you know you have to PAY for eHarmony….”

I’m going to be paying for this one way or another!

“You’re telling me.”

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When it Rains

Just as I was waxing majorly pessimistic about my romantic status as compared with all my happily domesticated friends, it turns out that for the first time in recent memory, I have not one, but two prospective suitors.

Guy # 1, I met on Match.  We had emailed a bit before my England/Paris trip, he had asked me for coffee, and I had asked for a rain check.  When I got back, we met up in person for a Saturday afternoon coffee meet-and-greet.  We spent two hours chatting, before I had to go meet some friends.  He followed up quickly, we ended up having a long phone conversation mid-week, and the following weekend (last weekend) we had two dates — dinner and a movie on Friday and a hike and lunch on Sunday.  I’m really liking this guy: we click well, we have great conversations, we have a lot in common, he has beautiful green eyes and a chin dimple, we have exchanged a couple of sweet smooches but are taking things nice and slow.  He recommended a book to me and I am reading it and totally hooked.  His grandpa passed away 😦 so this weekend he went home to be with his family, but he just emailed me about making a date for this week.  So far, so good.

Guy # 2 I met in real life.  I know, dear readers, it’s shocking.  I had all but given up on my ability to meet men through any means other than the internets.  So it was quite flattering that a real flesh and blood guy took an interest in the real flesh and blood me.  Fancy that! 

Anyway, Guy # 2 is a long story.  He is friends with my friend  L.’s husband and I saw him at a party they threw on Saturday night.  Interestingly, I had met guy #2 for the 1st time at a party 2 years ago.  At the time I was engaged and my fiance was at the party with me.  Even so, L. encouraged us to talk because “you’re both lawyers!”  We had a decently long chat that 1st time, mostly talking shop, but then I had to awkwardly mention the fiance (in case he hadn’t glimpsed the ring) and it was awkward.  L. recently told me that he had been like “Your friend is cute and cool, but she’s engaged, what’s up with that?” 

Then my fiance and I broke up, and about 6 months later I joined eHarmony, and who was one of my 1st matches, but guy # 2.  I felt weird about it, and I also met someone else and we started dating, so nothing ever came of that, though L. and I would joke about it from time to time.

Then last week I allowed L. to take over control of my eHarmony account (***a story for another post!) and discovered that I had been matched with another of her husband’s friends named JM, a guy who is really sweet who I had met a few times.  L., being in control of my account, closed JM and listed as her reason “Other.”

Fast forward to Saturday night, when I arrive at the party to find a semi circle of people, including JM, guy # 2, JM’s brother, and L.’s sister, all apparently discussing me.  I am immediately accosted with, “You are so harsh, you close everyone on eHarmony!”  I then am subjected to like 30 mins of regaling / questioning / joking about what my criteria are and why I close people (all the while protesting, “it wasn’t me!  L. did it!”  Guy # 2 joked that since I had closed him, I was dead to him.

As the night wore on, guy # 2 found lots of opportunities to talk to me.  When I had met him 2 years ago, he had struck me as a little arrogant and a little bitter.  (I learned from L. that he had just gone through a breakup, which makes sense.)  Apparently the past two years have been good to him, because he was mellow and sweet, and much cuter than I had remembered him too!  (He does competitive swimming and I could tell he is built like a swimmer.  Yum.)

At the end of the night when he was leaving, he was a little shy (or, understandably, trying to stay away from the earshot of any of the nosy-kins at the party) and said to me quietly, “So, listen – you like to eat, right?”  Yes, I like to eat, I smiled.   “How about I get your number so I can call you and take you out to eat?”  So the digits were handed over and he said he’d call me this week after he does a couple of big filings.

So there you have it, readers.  Two promising boys, both very different in personality but I like them both in different ways.  I have never successfully juggled the mens because I always say that one man is enough trouble, but here it just seems right to get to know both of them and see how things go.  Obviously if things progress with one or the other, I will have to evaluate.  But for now, I am just going to try to enjoy this for what it is.

I will keep you posted…

Shout Out

Good evening, dear readers.  It’s the end of the weekend (*tear*) and I have a lot to write about, but I wanted to take the time to do a separate post about a blog that seems to be largely overlooked.  I forget how I started reading Playing With Matches, but it is worth checking out, and it is worth reading back through the archives for some of the most interesting and bizarre dating stories I’ve read/heard.  Some of my favorites are here, here and here.

Strangely, I seem to be one of only 1 or 2 people who comment on this blog, and I don’t understand why such an entertaining (and also sympathetic) blog wouldn’t have a bigger readership.  If you like stories of singlehood and dating and the perils that go with it, by all means, click on the above link and go give Tanasie some love.  What are you waiting for?

How Dating Makes Me Feel (Part II)

I know what you’re thinking, dear readers.  SF, in the name of all that’s holy. when are you going to stop posting pictures of cats on your blog?

My answer is: when it stops amusing me.  And I’m easily amused.  And I love cats.  So you may be in for a bit of a wait.  Sorry!

Anyway, the point of this post is that I need some advice from those of you out there in online-dating land who manage to successfully email with scads of potential suitors and go on oodles of dates.  How do you accomplish this, my friends?  Right now I am emailing with a handful of guys (and going out with one tomorrow – update to come) but it seems so incredibly time consuming.  I have to read their emails, read their profile, answer all their questions, think of questions to ask them, be witty…by the time I hit “send” I feel utterly exhausted!  And that’s just in the emailing phase – how in the world could I handle multiple mens in real life??  I know I need to put myself out there, but I feel like I become more of a homebody as I get older and I also relish my nights alone with Noodles and a good book.

I’ve also tried to put myself out there in real life lately, but have discovered that if I ever had any game — and I feel so rusty that it’s hard to recall — I clearly have lost my game now.  Behold the following encounter from this past Sunday:

INT. TARGET STORE- DAYTIME.  SF, tall late 20s brunette, walks slowly and aimlessly down the center aisle with basket in hand.  Looking down one aisle, SF spots TALL CUTE GUY.  SF tries to look casual as she veers into that aisle.

TALL CUTE GUY sees SF as she approaches and gives her a big smile.  He is tall, brown hair, wearing jeans and a checkered shirt.  He looks decidedly single and heterosexual, even though this is the Target in WeHo.

SF (pretending to look at shaving cream): Gosh, there are just so many choices these days.  Aluring Avocado?  What is that?

TCG (laughing): So many choices, huh?  I know what you mean, it makes my brain hurt.

TCG goes back to looking at some manly product.

SF is suddenly shy.  She doesn’t know what to say next.  She puts the shaving cream in her basket and waits a couple of beats.  She opens her mouth to speak then decides against it and walks away.

SF didn’t even need the damn shaving cream.

And…..scene!  Tragic, isn’t it?  I’m sure there is some clever way I could have pushed things further, but I totally froze.  What’s a girl to say/do in that situation?

Ok, now I am really tired.  More on my date tomorrow…

In Honor of a Recent Comment

This is courtesy of a friend’s Facebook page.

The original caption reads, “Honey, DTMFA.”

Before today I had never even heard that expression (I guess I have been living under a rock!) and now I have heard it twice!  Love it.

Is It Just Me?

As my dear readers know, on Friday night/Saturday morning, after an evening of barhopping in downtown L.A., some Jameson’s and some unsuccessful flirting with boys, I returned home and zipped off a nasty email to EHB.  It would require a lot more background to explain what led me to do this than I really want to go into here, but the short(ish) version is this.  As you know, we had a fabulous 1st date followed by several more dates.  These dates included him forcing, in a very backward way (by his “ask me anything” game), some heart to hearts in which I revealed some of my relationship fears.  Our dates also included a couple of memorable sleepovers.  Then, on our last date, last Sunday, at a concert I had brought him to with my co-workers, I asked him if he was dating other people and he said yes, he was dating other people but not sleeping with other people.  He wanted to talk more about our relationship but given the exceedingly poor timing/venue I didn’t want to.  Also at the concert, he was looking at the calendar on his BlackBerry, I joked about whether I could get penciled in for the following week, and he listed off activities for every night of the week except “maybe Friday.”  He had to leave early, and the next day (a week ago today) he sent me a Gmail chat saying “we’ll have our conversation soon! 🙂 ”

Now, I know he has been exceptionally busy at work.  But I also know that his BlackBerry is practically an appendage.  He has blatantly texted and emailed friends in my presence (much to my annoyance – can you at least try to keep that under wraps the 1st few dates?)  So I didn’t think it was too much to ask that he might send me a text or email during the week.  But no — the entire week passed with radio silence.  No “hey how are you,” no trying to make plans, nothing. 

So, bottom line is, I was pissed.  And I drafted an email.  The email said, in essence, that I was disappointed and pissed that after all the heart-to-hearts in which I confessed my fears and he told me he wouldn’t be like the others, he was EXACTLY like all the others. 

And I was tipsy.  And I hit send.

At the time, I really didn’t expect him to respond.  But sure enough, after not hearing anything all weekend, today I received a novel-length email from him.  I have grappled with whether to share this with the internets, but I decided it’s the only way I can get the reality check I want.   Here goes:

Hey SF,

I have been thinking for a while about how to respond.  I can definitely say that you are reacting differently than the situation warrants.  I have not “up and left”, (note from SF – I did NOT use the expression “up and left”), rather have been dealing with a hectic week (last week), workload, change in business direction, and have been having enough problems with my heart (SVT) that I’m going to see a cardiologist.  Last week while trying to exercise, my heart rate was 216 bpm after running about 30 feet. I can assure you I’ve had a lot going on.

So… having told me that you are pissed off really makes me wonder where you are coming from and what I have done to you.  I did not intend to hurt you in any way and in fact work with a therapist (as you know) in trying to understand the best way to operate in any kind of relationship  When I said at the concert that we both should be continuing to try to meet people, that is actually a very healthy thing to do (per expert advice).  It seems you took away from our discussion that I wasn’t interested.

You deserve a lot and you are a fantastic and intelligent person.  I think you have–just as I do–plenty of work to do in understanding your feelings in a relationship and knowing how to react to someone else’s actions and not make assumptions.  Your reaction and response below made me a little sad, but definitely speaks to the fact that if there is a kind of tension or some set of expectations beyond what we have ever discussed I cannot interact with you because it would be a negative situation for both of us.  We really hadn’t talked much about what to expect, so getting this cathartic email was a bit of a surprise.

I don’t know where this leaves us, but I do know that I have a lot of work to do, need to stay focused so work doesn’t keep stressing me out, get in shape and figure out my heart thing, and I’ll be traveling often in the next three weeks.  Take care, and if you want to talk later, feel free to reach out.

EHB

***

Ok, dear readers.  Time to give it to me straight.  Three questions: 1) Was I a total loon to react by sending that email in the 1st place?  2) Am I wrong to be thoroughly annoyed by his response? and finally 3) Do I respond and, if so, what do I say?

Pls help.  Thx.

I Give Up

Yes, I know that drinking + blogging = danger, Will Robinson.  In fact, drinking + internet usage in general = danger.  I know this because approximately 10 minutes ago, I sent EHB a nasty email that I’m sure I will live to regret.  But I had typed it up earlier today, saved it in my drafts to “sleep on” it, then my half-drunken finger had a mind of its own and pressed “Send” before I could even think too much about it.  Oopsies!  No matter, I know he won’t respond anyway (the email doesnt call for a response), so it doesn’t much matter what I say, right?  In fact, I wish that I had given up all self censors and just told him to go fuck himself, but I retained much more propriety than that.

Anyway, I just had one of those nights that makes me feel that 1) God, I’m old and 2) God, I need to get the hell out of this godforsaken city!!  I made the rounds of the bars in downtown LA tonight with T. and her fiance K. as my diligent wingpeople.  We scoped out any eligible bachelors, they encouraged me at every turn, and yet at every turn it seemed that I was kicked out of the game by girls more beautiful than I, who were 6-7 years my junior.   Could it get more depressing?

I know what you’re going to say: SF, why are you even trying to meet a guy in a bar anyway?  Well, I agree that’s not the ideal place to meet someone, but at the same time I think it’s just a microcosm of the dating scene as a whole, online dating included.  Why would a guy date me when he can date my younger, hotter counterpart? 

And I know pessimism won’t get me anywhere but I just can’t help but feel that he’s NOT really out there and that I am looking fruitlessly for nothing.  

I am almos t desperate to leave L.A.  But where, dear readers, should I go?